How to Show Empathy While Driving Action and Results
A popular request I heard from coachees this past month centered around how to show empathy in ways which acknowledge and address the problem, but then pivot to results. Skeptics might feel that empathy without staying too long “in the personal” becomes impossible; but I counter that idea. The root of empathy for me (at least) ties to active listening and presence. The coaching piece, when tied to empathy, includes helping the coachee see and feel any underlying connections to previous issues, and together, co-creating strategy while honoring where the audience is at.
If you’re wanting to show vs. tell you’re empathetic and integrate empathy into any problem solving with individuals and teams, keep reading for techniques I’ve co-developed with coachees — and which have landed results.
Tip One: Show You Care With Words
When someone struggles, they want to sense that others care. Whatever language you come up with becomes the perfect segue for you. Even so, see if any of the following phrases spark ways to display empathy for your audience:
- That’s rough
- I’ve been there
- I feel for you
- I can see how tough that is
- It saddens me to know you’re going through X
You may also ask the person how they feel about X. Also, how might they want you to be with them in that moment. (Simple empathetic questions can yield surprising responses!)
Bottom line: Often the empathy part of problem solving can come purely from listening. Even then, a simple empathetic phrase might be: Given how tough this is, how can I best partner with you here to help?
Tip Two. Stop Tasking and Get Present
In communications coaching, I’m saddened to hear growing numbers of coachees reporting that their audience continues typing emails or texts as they share their heartfelt feelings or concerns. For your audience to feel truly heard and for you to gather vital intel for lasting strategy, abandon partial or distracted listening. Instead, visually show you’re holding the space simply by being present.
You can also:
- Exhibit body language cues to show you’re present: Maintain eye contact, neutral or warm expressions, and lean in a little to show you’re ‘there.’
- Prep a little before the conversation if possible, by reflecting what this person’s strengths are and what’s worked well with previous communications and challenges.
- Maintain professionalism. Even if overwhelmed, at the very least, confirm you’ve the person’s name correct. One coachee reported his new boss consistently misspelled his name, called him the wrong name in the meeting, and dominated the conversation with narcissistic listening. This oversight did not yield helpful results when building empathy nor help with co-strategy after.
Tip Three: Empower and Remind Them Of Their Strengths
To integrate empathy into problem solving, you can also recognize within the individual they’ve overcome challenges and navigated crossroads before — and can do so again. This step employs active listening, empathy, and creative problem solving. To get there, you might ask a variation of:
- Knowing you’re forever resourceful, what lessons might you draw from X which can serve you today?
- With A, B, and C, your undeniable strengths in that moment became X. How might those same super powers come full circle here?
- You’re a master of navigating confusing situations. What’s helped you find clarity (and within tight, pressure-cooking situations like this one) in the past?
Tip Four: Try the Zoom In Zoom Out Technique to Problem Solving
You may also show empathy in ways which take the problem forward by trying different ways to co-strategize while also addressing and honoring the current limiting beliefs. For instance, the mood can become lighter and more forward-thinking by zooming out to gain clarity on the root cause. You might ask and explore with:
- What does your gut say is really going on here?
- What’s the root obstacle/cause — at a high level?
- What’s feeling hardest here?
- What triggers you the most in those moments?
You can then use that clarity and insight to zoom back in and drive change and results. You might ask:
- In spite of ABC feelings/mindset, what’s one shift which must take place within you and/or your situation to feel differently about X?
- What’s the most empowering counter you have for that push back?
- If you could wave a magic wand, in spite of all obstacles you’ve shared, what become the top three things you can do to solve for X?
Now you’ve a handful of coach approach techniques which include empathy, creative problem solving, and active listening, too. If you found these techniques resonated at all, try them out! Let us know how you get on. And if empathy’s a beloved topic, my earlier article on showing vs. telling you’re empathetic might spark something, too.
Debbi coaches and trains immigrant leaders to become more confident and authentic communicators, and with that, more concise, too. From Wisconsin, she owns and runs Hanging Rock Coaching and proudly serves as a communication effectiveness fellow coach with BetterUp.