How Do We Show Empathy For Our Team?

Empathy’s a popular leadership trait we often strive towards; but how do we show it?

Most of us realize to seem caring and a “good” communicator, we must show empathy — a sense that we care for our audience and know where they’re at. But even when we care for others, empathy can feel tricky to convey at work. In this week’s article, we consider five ways to show vs. tell others you’re empathetic — and with that, a “good soul,” worthy of leading (and retaining) many, even during difficult times.

Step One: Define and discover what empathy means to you

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines empathy this way: “The feeling that you understand and share another person’s experiences and emotions: the ability to share someone else’s feelings.” That’s all good and well; but no true growth happens without discovery — and we often define empathy differently, anyway.

Contemplate — or even journal — on what empathy means to you. (For fodder, this explainer video by researcher and storyteller Brené Brown distinguishes empathy from sympathy.) Also, consider when you felt understood? Heard? Supported? Become a curious anthropologist on how others you trust show empathy. Notice and journal. And perhaps ask your team (or boss) how they define empathy to help show empathy in helpful ways others notice.

Step Two: Explore why you want to show empathy

If you’re still reading this post, you’ve possibly heard you’re not empathetic or not showing you care at the right moments. Either way, determine what fear might live behind your desire to show empathy. To get there, ask: What’s at stake if I don’t show empathy? This vital step (a mental fitness technique)moves you away from the left brain, fearful Survivalist mind and into the Sage, right brain where you can then innovate. Unpack all of the negative emotions here. For instance, you might fear:

• Coming across as cool, aloof, or uncaring and with that…
• Losing favor at work — or at home
• Missing an opportunity to build up vital morale and motivation
• Feeling misunderstood and frustrated, which doesn’t help build empathy

Next, consider what obstacles exist for showing empathy. What I hear from the field includes communicators:

• Feeling rushed to “get to business” due to overwhelm.
• Equating empathy as inappropriate or unnecessary per their culture or industry in which they’ve previously functioned— or both.
• Fearing that showing empathy invites ‘fixing’ things. This feels like too much pressure, spooky, and overwhelm.

This self awareness piece helps create a communication strategy to sound and feel more empathetic. And that’s where we head next.

Step Three: Listen well and ground

One of the best ways to show vs. tell you care about someone becomes active listening or simply listening well. To actively listen in ways to connect — the aorta of empathy — consider these steps:

• Get present through meditating, drawing, music, exercise, or yoga. Remove distractions like clutter, phones, email — or tasks.
• Abandon listening how most of us listen. Narcissistic listening is when we interrupt and brings things back to us, but not in service of the receiver. Distracted listening prevails when multi-tasking. Aggressive listening surfaces when feeling triggered; we use language against each other. Selective listening means listening only to the bits we want to hear. Avoid all of the above. Listen wholly, and to support and learn.
• Notice shifts in energy, repeated word choice, and get curious, even comment on them.
• Create space for the receiver to reflect and with you, problem solve.

Step Four: Ask open-ended, non-judging questions

Through active listening, you’ve now excellent fodder for asking powerful, open-ended questions, which signal you’ve listened and you’re helping (but not solving). Powerful questions help with co-creating a plan.

In group meetings, this technique might mean starting a meeting asking after sports victories or turmoil in the nations and regions where your team functions. You might ask after the well-being of your team and their families. As you listen to responses, consider these best practices from the coach approach:

• Keep the questions short, 5–7 words.
• Avoid judging and stay open.
• Pick up the language the receiver lays down.
• Braid this language into your question. E.G. Team mate: I’m feeling really overwhelmed. You: What’s hardest about feeling overwhelmed?

Step Five: Show vulnerability and connect

Through all of this, and even at the top of meetings, offer something of yourself and what’s going on in your life. If you’ve encountered something similar, in service of the receiver, briefly share to connect; then, bring things back to them. Ask what, if anything, feels familiar or helpful? If any lessons from your own personal failure might serve someone, ask to share in their service.

In your responses and sharing, go beyond the “I’m sorry to hear that.” Offer concrete steps to help. Refer resources. Co-create action steps together. In doing so, you’ll build comfort and trust.

Now you’ve five ideas for showing your audience you care for them and some tips for active listening, too — a core component of empathetic leadership. Write to me via hangingrockmedia@gmail.com on what worked — or didn’t. (We’d love to hear your views.) Or, connect via my Calendly link. My workshops on active listening occur monthly. To learn more about Positive Intelligence, through which I’m a certified coach, visit here.