Why I Take No Notes When I Coach
About 18 months ago, I opened my coaching shop window for the first time via BetterUp’s platform. Accessing clients from Africa to New Zealand and everywhere in between uplifted me. From that first early morning appointment, I felt like a Parisian shop owner on a busy commerce street. I felt ease and flow with any briskness and content doing what I love.
After my first full but wild week, scrawled notes lay tussled beneath my desk with key words, curious questions, findings, and leadership books referenced along the way. My shoulders, neck, wrists, and back strained — especially with my normal maternal and domestic work added in. And yet these quick scrawlings, when I consulted them after, I could barely read.
From that moment (noticing the pile of note paper and hardly anything legible within), I chose not to take notes and (to my relief and delight) found I remembered the gist of each session just fine. My memory (which I suspect heightens when we’re present with another human being), mental fitness, and some reporting tools even helped me provide a reasonable summary for my clients at the end. In this two-part essay series, I’m sharing why and how I now take no notes when I coach, even copious times a day.
Know: Writing Notes Busies and Occupies Our Mind
As I experimented with not taking notes, I noticed I felt calmer and more present. I felt I better honored Competency №5 of the International Coaching Federation, Maintaining Presence — the most tricky competency to master, but also the most important!
Here’s why. I’m not sure about you, but when I note take, I hear, then process, then tell myself: “Ooh. That’s a great concept; but I’ll forget unless I write it down.” In doing so, my mind shifts from the client to me, my paper and pen, and then back to the client.
In that latter transition, I must re-enter my client’s sharing. Re-center. Refocus. In that holding phase, I’m wondering: What did I miss? How do they feel when they’re talking about this topic? Have I missed an opportunity for a question? None of this breeds presence.
Trust: Notes Feed Hungry Saboteurs and Dim My Loving Sage
I also noticed in note taking, as you might have seen in my last revealing thoughts, I replace curiosity and empathy (two key Sage emotions) with Saboteur-induced fear. The Saboteurs, I believe, feed my want to take notes out of worry I’ll not be enough (the Judge), or, not perfect enough to coach (the Stickler) or, miss something (the Restless). In some cases, the Hyper Vigilant, with its over focus on all the dangers in life might trick us that if we’re not capturing everything, we’ll lose this client.
By abandoning notes, lies my Saboteurs have about me and my ability or worthiness to coach fall away. I’m more centered, calm, more present, too because I’m replacing tasking with being.
Feel: The Difference Between Being and Tasking
For a while, I still questioned not taking notes, and especially when many leaders I coach take copious notes of their own — and swear by them. But as time has passed, I notice that in choosing to center, listen, sense, and watch, I’m:
- Noticing more verbal cues and non-verbal cues. If my coachee looks up and away when they land on something difficult or painful, I’m responsive vs. distracted with jotting down their words
- Harnessing my Sage vs. feeding my Saboteurs by feeling more present with my coachee — and by trusting myself, too. This helps me with asking questions, challenging, and staying open, helpful, and curious.
- Feeling more energized vs. exhausting myself with an unnecessary task. Taking notes does not serve me at all as I coach. I’m depleting vital energy I’d prefer to channel towards focusing and staying present
- Trusting my memory. Knowing: I’ll remember what I need to remember. Besides, listening and being with my client’s the biggest gift
My big takeaway: By abandoning vs. clinging to note taking, I’ve found I can write a crisp summary with specifics, one with curious questions my coachee asked to themselves, epiphanies, obstacles, and action steps we co-created. I’m also building more confidence in myself and my ability to coach. And in my next essay, I’ll share how.
Debbi Gardiner McCullough coaches and trains immigrant leaders to become more confident, concise, and mentally fit communicators. From Wisconsin, she owns and runs Hanging Rock Coaching and coaches worldwide with BetterUp.