Want Leadership Presence? Learn and Train to Coach.
Leaders all over seek to develop or fine tune their leadership presence, especially now as we return to the office, but in more authentic, different ways than before. Most seem to want to show vs. tell they understand different perspectives and geographies, that they listen well and respect others by looking nice, staying approachable, and partnering with their audience.
I wonder if coaching training or understanding the coach approach to communications can help? Here’s why. Having gone to coaching school and now coaching full-time each week, I’ve found a powerful and surprising gift: I’m developing and cultivating the leadership presence I’ve always wanted. This article offers how coaching (and training to become a coach) can build a calm centeredness which connects you with your audience in endearing, powerful ways, both in 1:1 and group settings, too.
Feel strong staying on a path that’s not clear
In coaching, we’re trained to hold the coachee as capable, competent, and resourceful. Meaning: The coachee holds the answers within, not the coach.
This tricky training, which began for me in 2019, meant letting go of having the answers or understanding every detail of the coachee’s problem. The reporter and professor in me wanted to know the answers, which brought distracted anxiety vs. calm, centeredness. I was in my head vs. with the coachee. I was not present.
As my practice continued, I learned and saw, the best sessions came when I tried less to ‘fix’ and felt more okay with messiness and not truly knowing what’s going on. This came from trusting the process. Grounding. Centering. Being with the coachee.
Presence made me more observant, and with that, more effective. Leadership presence lesson: Relinquish being smart, sophisticated, clever — or attached to whatever comes next. Just be. You’ll seem more grounded, calm, and empathetic, too.
Notice when you orbit. Build self awareness.
I write all of the above knowing that as you listen, your mind does meander to what’s next, your hunger, or, a parallel problem in your own life. That’s ok and normal; so, give yourself grace. But notice sooner than later; then, ask your mind to come back. Know also: Noticing what happens to your mind and body as you coach becomes excellent ongoing practice to build self awareness on what distracts, why, and what you need to center.
Leadership presence lesson: Stay patient as you learn to actively listen. Strive to anchor and know it builds connection and self awareness.
Get comfortable with silence.
Coaching and coaching training helps us get comfortable with silence, thereby providing vital (and rare) time for your coachee/audience to feel a feeling or ponder a thought. [If you’re not familiar with International Coaching Federation rules, to certify, ICF-trained coaches must ask short, open-ended powerful questions of 3–5 words and create the space for the coachee to speak 80% of the time.)
I still unintentionally interrupt or misread that the thought’s complete; but, the less I say, the better I read the cues and the more powerful the discovery for the coachee. What helps build this comfort with silence?
- Practicing. An intentional gazing activity our coaching instructors assigned us at UW Madison illustrated the power of silence. For five minutes, intentionally gazing into the eyes of a peer coach, you notice details you would otherwise have ignored and feel each other’s heart and soul!
- Transcribing a recorded coaching session and seeing in black ink all the long-windedness, the stacking of the questions, the clunky offerings.
- Noticing how you feel from speaking less. The less I say and the more I connect and notice, the more energized and uplifted I feel, even after 10 sessions. This last part (and seeing the joy, relief, and clarity this brings in others) helps inspire and motivate me the most.
Leadership presence lesson: Choose when to be verbose and when to hold back. Challenge our Judge’s lies that we’re only valuable by instructing, fixing, and pouring in.
Offer ideas only in service of others
And this last part ties to my other big piece I’m learning about presence through coaching. Of course, team members come to their leader for their specific expertise and insight. Coachees come to me for communications tools and techniques. We must effectively partner; but, do so in service of the audience vs. to make us feel important, useful, or to self promote. A few best practices coaches apply may spark something useful as you try this pivot:
- Ask permission before sharing. E.G. May I offer something small, but relevant, lest it feels helpful?
- Keep any sharing as brief as possible. I.E. Bottom line where able.
- Weave things back to the audience and ask what felt useful, or what resonated/sounded familiar, if anything at all.
- Ask permission to train or pour information in before assuming that’s what the audience wants. Partner by asking what would help most? Feeling heard , co-creating strategy, or something else?
And there you have the most memorable coaching techniques which I find help me with building presence and confidence. I hope something landed well or sparked a new way to view things as you cultivate your own unique form of presence.
Debbi Gardiner McCullough coaches and trains immigrant leaders to become more confident, concise, and authentic communicators. From Wisconsin, she owns and runs Hanging Rock Coaching and serves as a communication effectiveness fellow coach to leaders all over the globe with BetterUp.