How Do I Not Let Rejection Define Me?

If you’re an entrepreneur (or in sales) you hear “no” a lot. You know: Rejection can demoralize and impact how we perform. But rejection needn’t cause suffering — it can feel strong and provide new, exciting ways to grow.

I find mental fitness, the ability to rebound from any challenge with a positive vs. negative mindset, provides excellent tools and strategies for dealing with rejection. I’m a daily practitioner — and I teach mental fitness to clients, too. Whether you’re building your startup, pitching your service, or selling widgets, explore these five tips to transform your “no.”

Tip One: Practice Daily Mental Fitness

To get mentally strong, start with understanding when you’re feeling triggered and know who your Saboteurs (your inner critics) are. Start here with this assessment from Positive Intelligence. Then, get curious about:

• What are all the lies your Saboteurs tell you when prospects reject you?
• How might you counter these Judge/Saboteur lies with a Sage (positive vs. a negative) response? E.G. [“You’re such a loser! Look at you getting all these no’s!” vs. “Each rejection is a moment in time with an individual within a single day.”] My favorites include: “Fret not.” Or, “Oh, well.”

You also want to employ daily mindfulness through PQ reps or other forms of meditation to ground you. PQ reps require paying attention to one sense at a time for several minutes at a time to help move your mind to its Sage place.

Tip Two: Develop Empathy For Self and Others

Practitioners of mental fitness know the empathy power becomes a vital one to cultivate and master. When we feel full empathy for ourselves — and our audiences — we’re able to counter the negative self talk which can surface when we hear a ‘no.’

My favorite technique: Connecting with my inner child by reflecting on a framed photo exhibiting my true essence: Bravery, creativity, and joy from adventure and play. I study this picture. See this essence and congratulate myself prior to any sales meeting for coming this far — all the way from my bucolic valley in South Canterbury, New Zealand — and look at me today!

Empathy helps me feel calm, centered, but also detached from the outcome. I’m celebrating just being here, today, in this exciting space. I also feel more audience centered by feeling empathy for my audience, which in turn, helps me receive rejection more peacefully, less personally.

Tip Three: Let Rejection Teach You. Welcome the No’s.

Ongoing rejection and ‘no’s’ from our audience also offers opportunities to try new things — and techniques. As you go about your prospecting and outreach, get curious about:

• What conditions trigger you the most? (Get really curious here. Keep a journal to determine the times of day you feel more upset. How about the conversations during and after, including responses from leadership? And the kinds of people you hear ‘no’ from, too.)
• How might your message itself need refining? Can you bottom line more effectively? Remove jargon? Employ storytelling? Get in person vs. remote? Keynote addresses vs. 1:1? Challenge boldly when your gut says: Your offering’s good and your audience will benefit.
• What else might you try differently next time? And even more simply: What did I gain here?

Executive Coach and bestselling author Bill Carmody has carved out his career by building and selling multiple ventures and making a small fortune (over $350,000) in his first year as an executive coach. He believes he learned his best sales tips as a boy, going door-to-door selling newspapers.

“I’d notice how people responded to my pitch and modify each message based on how it landed,” he says. “This strategy improved my sales and got me to welcome the no’s so I could learn. Your entire energy shifts from this approach because you’re responding with positive vs. negative mindset and energy.”

Tip Four: Look For Gifts/Opportunities

Another way mental fitness helps us rebound from any negative emotion (be it rejection, anger, or other upset) is training our minds to look for the gifts, opportunities, and/or the knowledge from each setback. To get there, ask yourself:

• Will I accept this setback or can I convert it to a gift or opportunity?
• What is the gift and opportunity here?

The old Chinese fable, the Stallion Story, best illustrates this concept that who knows what is truly good or what is truly bad — as so much depends on how we view the situation. Coach Shirzad Chamine, author of Positive Intelligence, references this fable in his NY Times bestselling book and his Google Talk here.

Tip Five: Use the ‘No’ As a Pivot To a ‘Yes’

In this same theme, use the rejection as a segue to a possible ‘yes’ with someone (or something) new. Consider exploring with your audience, what sounded interesting/helpful? What led to a ‘no’ vs. a ‘yes?’ You might also request:

• Referrals to prospects more aligned with your offering.
• Endorsements (if you’ve given a complimentary coaching or other service as part of your sales call).
• Suggestions on where else to go.

Now you’ve five new ways to frame how you hear — and respond to — a ‘no, thank you’ from your next prospect. Go forth and conquer! And write to me at hangingrockmedia@gmail.com, via my website, or via LinkedIn to share which techniques liberated or dismayed you. We’re all ears!