How Do I Grow? Connect? Rebound? The World’s Communication Troubles
Communicating within these hectic and peculiar times can make the best and the brightest feel uncertain — or stuck — on what to say. Through my coaching practice, I’m learning what’s feeling hard for leaders — and why — then exploring new tactics and strategies to build confidence and rebound. In this new, ongoing series, I’m sharing the challenges communicators feel most curious about and the gifts, opportunities, and the knowledge within in hopes it sparks something bold and clear within you.
How Do I Ask For What I Want From Those With Influence?
This question came up a lot throughout the busy October, November, and December months and remains a theme as the ambitious start thinking ahead for the next promotion, pay grade, or some other move ahead. But how and when to raise the topic with the decision maker or gate keeper for the job, when and if you gain your chance?
The fears around doing things wrong, my coachees tell me, include:
- Fear of seeming disingenuous or having had an agenda all this time prior
- Fear of seeming pushy or ‘ahead of yourself’
- Fear of dashing any chances before even applying
An incomplete list of successful strategies included:
- Knowing no one-size-fits all and each communicator’s situation will feel different depending on familiarity with the audience, whether the decision maker’s your boss or a leader you’ve never worked with.
- Staying true to your values. If directness feels important, bring up your hopes beforehand or state the intent as part of your introduction. (Hint: Most communicators feel it’s awkward to wait until the end AND you’ll not feel present anyway.)
- Staying collaborative and audience centered. Ask the leader how best to use the time and if you’ve met for a completely different reason, ask whether two meetings works better vs. one. Resist wanting all clarity and insight from the one session.
- Remain specific. Avoid vagueness. Be clear, concise, and steadfast.
How Do I Connect With My Team? Strangers — Anyone At All?
Many feel their social skills have imploded this past two years. Therefore, meeting in person with teams they’ve known only via Zoom and Slack, raises the question: How do we connect on personal levels — beyond work?
This question looms now more than before as the ambitious want buy-in and encouragement from teammates via performance reviews so they can move up the ladder. Leaders can worry they’ve lost the gift of the gab — and might they fall back? Some strategies follow:
- Take comfort. This problem’s widespread and one we’ll revisit through this Medium channel and my weekly podcast.
- Fret not. You can converse in person; you’re simply unpracticed.
- Start small and celebrate. Start with a hello, a smile, or, an affirming nod.
- Look for commonality, share something small about yourself, and ask open-ended, curious questions. One nervous coachee found big success at a company get together from commenting on the weirdness of it all and asking the colleague how it felt for them.
How Do I Pivot With Ad Hoc Questions?
Unplanned questions seem to create bigger upset than before and communicators blame back-to-back meetings and new and expansive roles. There’s also another curious pattern of the questions themselves becoming more confusing, loaded, and/or ambiguous. At a recent training session I attended, the facilitator rejected or needed to clarify 8:10 questions which sounded (to my ear) incomplete, mystical, or utter babble. Here’s what seems to help out in the field when you’re the unfortunate recipient of a tricky or half-baked question:
- Abandon hopes for overly planning when much remains out of our control. Know that most people ask questions to confirm something, heckle you, or gain more insight.
- Dare to lop the question back if it feels impossible.
- Ask them to clarify after repeating back what you absorbed, to specify more or to narrow the scope. (Sometimes the terrain the question bearer asks you to cover feels too broad, especially if time constraints exist.)
- Permit yourself (even request) some time to ponder a moment, even with high-stakes audiences, to help deliver the most helpful response.
- Admit when you’ve no clue. The sky won’t fall! The sun shall rise!
- Counter in those moments. Acknowledge the excellent question for which you don’t have an answer; then, promise to deliver that info. In the meantime, you can speak to X. [Then, state what you do sense or know.]
Now you’ve some insights and strategies into some of the world’s most popular communication problems. Hopefully this article offers some comfort and tips. Enjoy strategizing and getting a little messy and permit yourself the grace to learn as you go.
Debbi coaches and trains immigrant leaders to become more confident and authentic communicators, and with that, more concise, too. From Wisconsin, she owns and runs Hanging Rock Coaching and proudly serves as a communication effectiveness fellow coach with BetterUp.