How Do I Blow My Horn To Show Gravitas, but Not Showiness?
I’ve lost count this month of how many bright and thoughtful leaders, especially those from foreign lands, want help with introducing themselves, their work, and their ideas with gravitas. (It must be the Year of the Tiger, I’ve decided, with its focus on boldness, ambition, and trying things anew. If so, bring it on! Let’s go!)
I delight in communications coaching requests like these because of the vulnerability that comes from noticing: we’re not sounding like we want to. And then I feel stimulated creatively problem solving, unpacking what’s feeling hard about this act anyway, then, co-creating a unique, authentic sounding introduction which serves them and their work well.
In this week’s communications coaching post, I’m offering a medley of tips and techniques which have helped others share what they do in ways which sound bold, but not showy nor ostentatious. (Because few seem to want that.)
Understand What Feels Uncomfortable
When we struggle to promote or present our work, often something lurks behind the discomfort. With the leaders I coach, many of whom grew up outside of America, we learn to play small, speak quietly, and often not speak of work outside of work.
I learned the latter from New Zealand, my motherland, where it became culturally wrong to talk about your work much at all. Nor did it feel proper or accepted to feel excited by your work as work was just… well, work. Failure to adhere to the rule brought reminders to “not talk shop” after 6 p.m.
I struggled here because as an entrepreneurial, ambitious young woman, my active mind wanted to float ideas, strive, think big, and learn from others. When I coach leaders in this space, I often hear similar themes to the barriers getting in their way including:
- A feeling we’re arrogant or superficial for feeling proud — we’ve moved too far away from our roots — we’ve gotten ahead of ourselves
- A cultural belief that only certain castes/classes get to speak with gravitas
- A sense we’re acting outside of what is normal for our gender — especially true for women leaders who have become the first woman in their family to become college educated, leave their motherland, and start anew
- A feeling we’re letting down our team by promoting our own work. A discomfort with owning our own role in our success. (This feeling I hear a lot from former military who believe any failure becomes an individual one. Any success belongs to the team.)
Whatever beliefs you have around self promotion, gently challenge your fixed mindset. Journal on what comes up for you when asking the simple question: What feels hard here — and why? Then, work with your coach and others you trust to pull yourself out of your comfort zone and let the world know what you do, why you do it, and the results of this very fine work. We’re listening. We’re ready. Just tell us.
Keep the Language Simple
The timeless Economist style guide has some clues on how to introduce ourselves well because it hangs its hat on clear, compelling English. The most memorable tip from my well-thumbed guide: Never use a complicated word when a simple one can do. Indeed. To sound bold, clear, and compelling, do away with frilly, jargon-y, ostentatious language and avoid vague words like solutions, performance, etc. If you’re unsure if you’re plain enough, introduce yourself to a child or visiting elder and see if they follow.
Define What Gravitas Means For You
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines gravitas as high seriousness (as in a person’s bearing or treatment of a subject). However, when my client’s bring the word into our coaching, they’re thinking of authority, command, confidence, and an absence of self doubt. Also, I hear gravitas as a sense of knowing they belong. So I’m going with the latter. To help us get there, it helps to look to those showing gravitas and getting curious about what makes you feel comfortable, admiring, and impressed. From the field, I hear others admiring:
- A bold, level voice devoid of verbal filler and evenly paced
- A sense of belonging
- A feeling the communicator learned this confidence from others — those they grew up with, studied with, or mentored with
- A lack of apology and an absence of pretentiousness
- A minimalist approach — never exceeding a few sentences
Provide Context on the Work You Do
Another theme to consider weaving into your introduction becomes the context in which you do your work. A short example illustrates this idea.
If you’re a trainer of Type A physicians helping them become better, clearer communicators, you might add you do this fine work at a time when many feel overwhelmed and less open to constructive feedback. Or perhaps you mention physicians are a particularly tricky audience given their general brilliance, excellence, and often their reticence to receiving negative feedback. Whatever context you choose, consider what it says about you and your helpful skills. The last example, for instance, says you’re delicate, smart, intuitive, but also bold and brave. (At least, that becomes what I’d interpret if I hear these words.)
Share the Feelings Behind Your Work
Another often omitted detail from introductions becomes the feelings behind your work. And yet a sentence or two on the why for what you do seems hugely confident, and interesting, and grounds you to your audience. As you consider your ‘why,’ ensure it’s: honest, true, a little revealing — some vulnerability is good — and contextually interesting for your audience. A few examples follow to illustrate.
- I’m a writer who trains CEOs all over the world to write and speak in ways where others read and listen. This work feels noble because I learned, as a global business reporter, many super bright leaders never learned this vital skill.
- I’m a business development trainer who helps coaches master their mindset around money so they can earn a six figure salary — something I feel passionate about given my own struggles with poverty.
With this sharing, I hope I’ve sparked something to help you feel more confident, compelling, and authentic when you introduce you and your work to others. Have fun playing in this space and know no one right way exists. Happy Year of the Tiger, dear readers, and thank you for helping me feel more ambitious and bolder.
Debbi coaches and trains immigrant leaders to become more confident and authentic communicators, and with that, more concise, too. From Wisconsin, she owns and runs Hanging Rock Coaching and serves as a communication effectiveness fellow coach to leaders all over the globe with BetterUp.